what may or may not be hard reality

So lore_85 made a really inspiring list with her favourite lesbian couples, and I just had to make one of my own.

( List under here, complete with graphics and comments! )

Quote of the Day:

"When Ellen and I make out there's no pain involved!"

~Portia de Rossi on Jay Leno, talking about disliking kissing male co-stars. Hee!

( CSI: Miami - 7x18 - a few comments )

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate with you. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

(also, special offer, if there's anything else you'd like me to elaborate on, put that in the comments and I will update this post with it)

Here are 5 things wizened_cynic gave me to elaborate on:

1. Christina Cox!
Christina, Christina... Ah, Christina. How do I do this without it turning into a 2000 words photo essay? Christina is my True Love du Jour, my current crush and obsession, and overall really awesome lady. It all began with Ladycops about a year ago (and there is a longer-ass elaboration on this subject here) and since then there's been no looking back. Christina is a pretty great actress, who's done a lot of pretty great roles, and she seems like a cool, sarcastic, intelligent, thoughtful person, who I just happen to find incredibly sexy, and that makes her kinda rare, and kinda perfect for a crush, because the pretty ones aren't always great actresses, and they don't always choose projects I'm into, and vice versa, but Christina is just an 'all of the above' kinda lady, and I love her for it.

2. meatballs
Meatballs? It's because I'm Swedish, right? I don't mind meatballs, though, meatballs are pretty good. I will say that whatever it was they served at my Boston high school that was labeled 'Swedish Meatballs' is something I have never seen anywhere in Sweden. Huge gross chunks of meat in some sort of chunky tomato sauce, that tasted mostly of chili pepper and salt. No thank you. Proper meatballs are small and elegant, preferably homemade when you mix the mince meat with egg, onion, dried breadcrumbs and your choice of spices, rolled into tiny balls and then fried in butter until they're a lovely even golden brown. You then eat them with potatoes, plain brown sauce, and lingonberry jam. (and some heathens put ketchup on it as well. gross.)

3. Xena
I love Xena. It is, in my humble opinion, the best TV show ever made, ever. Now, I know it doesn't have the best actors, or the best scripts, or plots, or special effects, or anything like that. I know that. But over-all, looking at the show from the first season all the way until the last episode, it has the most solid messages of love, redemption, and humanity I've ever seen. It's nothing like those overly moralizing shows where some people always do the right thing, and if they don't it's because they're tragically mislead. Xena is about being human, having a dark side, wanting to do the wrong thing even if you realize that it's wrong, standing up for what you believe in, fighting your instincts when your heart and mind tell you different things, fighting your rage and jealousy and vindictiveness, not running away from but instead trusting in love. All this, and much much more, does it do while using a story-telling narrative full of kick-ass female warriors in skimpy clothing, gods, mythical creatures, action and adventure, and a massive dose of never ever taking itself too seriously. I love it above all other shows.

4. Ellen
Ellen came along at *just* the right point in my life. Now, I've never much differentiated between different kinds of crushes. I have crushes on actresses, TV characters, authors, books, RL people, and most of the time it's just a source of enjoyment that makes me feel good and be happy and have something exciting to daydream about. However, RL people are in the dangerous position of being able to hurt me in a way none of the others can, because they're all unattainable. Now, at the time, I had just come off a 2-year insane crush on a girl that I know (#5, anyone?) and I was emotionally spent because it was kinda painful towards the end, and so I threw myself headlong into Queen because that was so incredibly safe. It was *dudes*, for heaven's sake, and Freddie had been gone for 15 years, so it was as safe as was possible to find. So I did that for 6 months, until I came to my senses and realized that they were *dudes*, and then they started showing Ellen in the early afternoons right when I got home from work. And it was *perfect*. Funny, light-hearted, happy, gay, gorgeous girlfriend, plenty of material to keep me busy, everything I could have possibly wished for in a new crush at the time.

5. msn
I have a love/hate relationship with msn. Really, it's more hate than love, but since it's one of the first places I ever went online it's tied in with a lot of nostalgia. I was a faithful hotmail user for a long time (until I discovered gmail and promptly turned my back on hotmail for good). As an IM program it mostly annoys me, though, although I suspect that's why you associate it with me, but I haven't used it for years. Once I discovered Trillian and realized I could have all my IMs in one place, I haven't looked back.

eta: 6. Emily Procter from sakuracorr
I love Emily. I know the moment I fell for her, and it's when she tells (W)Horatio that she feels like a squirrel on too much caffeine in that season 1 episode of CSI: Miami where she accidentally inhales cocaine. Besides being lovely (and blonde. The blonde thing was a big hurdle for me at the time, I'd never fallen for a blonde before) she also had an adorable comedic side that Calleigh hadn't really showcased before then, and sadly hasn't since, but with that scene I knew it was there, and I fell hard. I'll always love Ainsley for being that adorable All. The. Time., but Calleigh was where I first fell for her, and she'll always be my main Emily love. And Emily herself seems to be just great, she does what she wants to, how she wants to, doesn't seem affected by any societal pressure to be or do anything in particular. She decorates houses, wears vintage dresses to award shows (or was that someone else? Me and clothes...), collects bugs, plays poker, runs triathlons, and appears to be a wonderful combination of intelligent and caring and excited about everything in life, and often gives off the impression that her mind is filled with pink cotton candy. What's not to love?

So I haven't talked much about Ellen lately, because as you know, obsessions and priorities change, and you move on, but while I'm at this I should just take the opportunity to mention how glad and grateful I am for all that she and Portia have done for visibility this fall. To think, I still remember the specific instance when Ellen mentioned Portia's name on the talkshow for the first time, and after that it was another 3 or 4 months until it happened again (always in unplanned conversation with a guest), let alone show pictures of video clips that at first indicated that Portia might be behind the camera, and later only showed her briefly in passing...

Well, today Ellen posted a clip from their Christmas vacation in Bora Bora (I can't help but giggle and think of The Parent Trap when I hear that...), and it not only includes gorgeous shots of Portia in a bathing suit, it's also quite amusing, and apparently Ellen is a bigger chicken when it comes to water than I am. Of course, I'm of the firm belief that Ellen is shrewd enough to know exactly how anything and everything can be played for maximum amusement of her viewers... but either way, it's quite an amusing clip, and it made me very happy to see it, and have a little moment of reflection on how far she's come.

Go Ellen!!

Urgh. So I didn't sleep all that much last night, because there were things that needed to be done, and, naturally, I was the only one who could do them. So I get home from work, drink a cup of warm milk to unwind, and figure I can nap for an hour, or two. I've barely put my head on the pillow when the phone rings, (of course, but really, people usually don't call me when I'm sleeping (unless it's 7am, and it's from work telling me they need me)). And it goes on like that. In one hour I got 4 phone calls, and twice the doorbell rang. ARGH! I finally gave up on sleep, because I was pretty much wide awake, and watched the latest episode of We're Getting Nowhere instead, and, naturally, in the last hour, there hasn't been a single peep out of the world, not even e-mail. Why, world, why??

However, Jill is back on We're Getting Nowhere this week, so all is right with the world. Seriously, two weeks ago when she wasn't around, things were not right with the world. I love Karman, and Dara, and Bridget was hilarious and adorable, but it was not the same without Jill. I had no idea I was that attached to her. (In comparison, I re-watched that first episode that was only Jill and Karman, and that did not feel right either. It's amazing how attached I've gotten to all three of them.) Bridget is a lot of fun, though, I'll definitely be watching her vlog come spring! Yay with so many vlogs! And Dara/Karman/Jill taking on The L Word. I can't wait. OMG. It's like, it's the best thing that could ever happen. Seriously.

And also, how can you fail to know that Ellen is a lesbian? Like, seriously? A boy I'm acquainted with was standing next to me yesterday as I booted up my computer, and I've got a sweet little wallpaper of Ellen & Porta wrapped around each other at some red carpet or other, and the conversation went something like this:

dude: "Who are they? Oh, that's Ellen DeGeneres!"
me: "Yep!"
dude: "Who's the other chick?"
me: "Her girlfriend!"
dude: "Huh?" (I do think he actually just didn't hear me, the room was noisy)
me: "Her girlfriend!!"
dude: "She's a lesbian?!?"
me: "Totally."
dude: "I had no idea!"
me: "Uh. Well. She is!"

Like, I guess it's a good thing that Ellen is known way above and beyond her sexuality, but still, for someone who is so very out, how do you miss that? I can understand having no idea about Jodie, or Sarah Paulson, or even Portia (maybe even Melissa Etheridge), but where does one learn who Ellen is without that somewhere telling you she's a lesbian? Good on you, unknown reporting source!

eta: Seriously? How much do I love Jill? And Karman? And Dara? My heart is a little broken because I'm not gonna see them for an entire month. :(

Liz Feldman is awesome. I've known this for a while, and even blogged briefly about her a while back. And in light of recent events she's even more awesome than before. If for no other reason than she soothed my mind a little. Yesterday she posted a very sweet message on her friend Pamie.com's blog 'in defense of Ellen'. Read it here! She doesn't defend Ellen's actions lately, but she defends her character, which, you know, makes me feel less naïve in my spontaneous 'Ellen is a good person' reaction, as opposed to my more intellectual 'how the hell would you know?' one. And while Ellen can stand on TV and be really awesome, I wouldn't have any way of knowing if that at all reflects the 'real her', whereas if Liz Feldman says it, who worked there for two years, then I'm damn well gonna trust that over the cowardly 'unnamed sources' and 'anonymous staff members' in the tabloids.

And if you're still not convinced Liz Feldman is awesome; she plays poker with Jill Bennett. So there. :P

( Watch Liz in a hilarious ad for the Borman Academy - Get your Certification to be a King by Carrier Pigeon in only 6 months! )

Quote of the Day:

"ELLE: Do you ever splurge on lingerie?
Ellen: I don't buy the stuff - it's either my wardrobe person or Portia. I've bought lingerie for Portia, but I have no idea what it costs - I don't pay attention.
ELLE: Let me ask you this - boxers or briefs? Thongs or granny underwear?
Ellen: Well, isn't there an in-between? I don't like granny, and Portia loves thong underwear, but that to me is so uncomfortable. I like thongs on people, but I don't want to wear one!"

~ELLE Magazine Nov -07, interview with Ellen DeGeneres (it's a great article, I recommend it)

Thank you so much, ELLE Magazine, and Ellen, for the imagery. It shall live on in my head for a long long time.

Seriously, is the world shrinking??

So Ellen has a writer named Liz Feldman. Liz Feldman has a sister, Rebecca, who used to work at the Upright Citizen's Brigade, which was started by Amy Poehler, whom I've met (and have an awesome picture with!). Liz Feldman's good friend Pamie.com used to write for TWoP, where I've spent considerable amounts of time, and has also published a novel for which she received fan letters from Mosca, whom I have written fan letters to, for her awesome fanfic. Liz Feldman also plays poker with Jill Bennett, of We're Getting Nowhere fame, which I've commented on (with no guarantee that she's actually read it).

And it's not like I've searched hard, this is like 15 minutes. I just ran a quick google search for Liz Feldman because she was really cute on today's Ellen re-run.

My first reaction to this was a very befuddled "WTF?!?" But then it grew on me. Like, to the point where I'm (disturbedly) watching it over and over while giggling happily. Ellen is a truly inspired woman, and I worship at her feet. Also, it's an awesome song.



Go to Ellen's Official Site for a better-quality version (so the madness in her eyes can be truly appreciated - although it still doesn't do it the same justice as downloaded and watched in fullscreen mode), and more of her home videos (under 'ellen's bits') and vlogs.

Curse thee, phone! So, being far away from Internet in the mountains for one measly weekend, of course the temptation grew too strong, and I finally headed online, courtesy of Squishy. Now, Squishy is a faithful companion in all kinds of way, but not much of a web browser, sadly (and refuses altogether to log into hotmail, annoyingly), but I could check my gmail, and the Ellen forum (the flist I didn't dare go near)... Which of course I shouldn't have. Grr. Apparently there's a new video. Wherein Ellen hangs out on a treadmill with Portia nearby (since I haven't seen it I don't know if she's in the video, or filming the video, or what, but close enough to be heard) and talks about how they met. Which I of course wanna see. Of course. Grrrr......

Of course, I couldn't post this until I got home, so now I've seen the clip, and it's quite adorable... See it HERE!

Two measly hours, I go away for, and suddenly there's like half a dozen new 'backstage at the Emmys'-clips (get your head out of the way, they're *kissing* behind you!!) up on Ellen's website, and another very random one of her trying out dance moves in her kitchen next to Portia who has curlers in her hair, and then the one on YouTube where she appears somewhat drunk and is dancing with one of her writers at an afterparty that I don't know if I should be freaked out or insanely amused by. A little bit of both, I think. All of it prompting ten thousand new posts on the forum to read up on.

However, there's nothing like walking through my yard when it's been raining all day, and everything is lush and green and wet and has that incredible smell of green. Mmmmmmmm........

Also, there's nothing like the soft cracks of soft-shelled snails under my bare feet, in a completely different way. *shudder* But I've reconciled with that; if I'd worn shoes, the snails would still be crushed, but I wouldn't have felt the soft grass the other 10 steps.

Midsummer's Eve tomorrow. Goodbye Summer, Hello Winter Depression.

Well, lacking energy and content for a real post, here's Congratulations to Ellen for winning all those Emmys!! Ellen has The Cutest Thank You Message Ever on her website, go listen to it! And there was kissing, and adorable stuff left and right. To celebrate, here is the wallpaper for the occasion! (with an Oscar wallpaper as bonus, and an additional Alexandra Hedison wallpaper as extra bonus because I adore her.)



In other news, yay! Vacation! Which is awesome, only I don't quite know what to do with myself. Finally saw Pirates 2 last week, so I could then go see Pirates 3, but really, all it did for me was leave me with a distinct desire to see Lord of the Rings, because that's the way Legolas is *supposed* to look. ( Some spoilers here, though. )

...but in my book, seeing Ellen and Portia together, live on Ellen's webcam is pretty darn cool!!!! Ellen's taping shows for the third day in a row since pulling her back apart, though... doesn't the woman ever rest, is she insane? And wouldn't this be a perfect opportunity to use that guest host she has, Tina Fey?? (It's not that I don't love seeing you, Ellen, but I would so much rather see you healthy, and in my naïve mind, taping shows seems more like a crazy thing to do.)

10 years ago today, Ellen Morgan, played by Ellen DeGeneres, fell for a pretty woman named Susan, accidentally hit the airport speaker-button, and (two weeks after the actress had proclaimed the very same thing on the cover of TIME Magazine) proclaimed "I'm gay" to the world. And changed it. And has been changing it ever since (along with more and more others), by being brave enough to be honest. Thank you, Ellen.

10 years later, Ellen is at the moment interviewing talk show guests from a hospital bed because she threw out her back over the weekend, which has rattled me to a disturbing degree. I'd much rather think of her as invincible.

Started out the day nice and quietly with some Ellen (which doesn't differ from most other days, which shows this is not necessarily a recipe for wasting a day, but rather a good guide to starting out your day in a nice and healthy fashion, providing you assume I generally lead relatively productive and happy days). Puppy Episode commentary from my new pretty Season 4 box! Yay! Three of the writers, I think it were, and basically they talked about Ellen, what a wonderful actress she is, and other aspects of the Great One, which I whole-heartedly approve of. Compare with Fireflycommentary by Mal and Wash where they spend the entire hour raving about the beauty of Gina Torres (yay!) vs. Bats commentary by Lou Diamond-Phillips (did you know he was married to Melissa Etheridge's ex? I think I have known, at some point, but was reminded again just the other day) and some other dude, and they mentioned Dina Meyer once (nay!).

Continued the day with more Ellen, but this time in movie format, which is slightly different from most days. Goodbye Lover, starring Patricia Arquette, whom I found surprisingly pretty, having written her off completely after seeing those Medium previews. Erotic thriller comedy, I believe it was billed as when I saw it late one night many many years ago, (I was littler then) because it had Sound of Music in the tv guide summary. And even if the Sound of Music had relatively little to do with it, I still remembered liking it. However, I had not seeing it again until today, but it was still good. I rather liked it a whole lot, actually. Ellen was, of course, fabulous. She curses, and glares, and insults, and SHOOTS A GUN and ( spoiler )!!!! Wooo. And is pretty darn great at all of it. My mother didn't even realize it was her, did a double-take, and went I had no idea Ellen could actually look evil. Good movie. Fun movie. Even if ( spoiler ) It's a silly movie, but gosh, I adore it. Go watch it, people.

Quote of the Movie:
Ellen: "We wanna separate potential suspects from your average scumbag citizen."
Naïve Rookie Partner: "Ma'am, you know, we're sworn to serve and protect. If you hate everybody so much, why are you doing this job?"
Ellen: "'Cause every once in a while, I get to shoot somebody."
~Goodbye Lover

Finished off with some Remington Steele episodes and commentary from my new shiny boxes. *proud owner of all five seasons!!* Again, commentators I approved of. Creator and producer/director. They spent most of their time either talking about how much fun they had setting up various scenes and shots, which I enjoyed listening too, but still left a whole lot of time to talk about how beautiful Stephanie Zimbalist is, and what a great actress she is, and how good she and Pierce Brosnan are together, and basically fan!squeeing, which I whole-heartedly approve of. She is gorgeous, young Stephanie, (and if you don't know who she is, then shame on you! you need look no further than my icon here, isn't she lovely?) and the nostalgia over all the love my innocent little baby dyke heart felt for her way back when is sweet and strong and I still love her, and the show, and mmm... Gosh. How could I not *know*?

Which managed to get me through most of the hours of daylight.

Ended the evening with some more Remington Steele, and some behind the scenes thing it was billed as with "revealing character profiles". It was mostly present-day interviews with various people involved, and by the gods they'd managed to dig a lot of people out of the woodwork. No Stephanie, though. Which I'm simultaneously saddened and secretly relieved at. Little 10-year-old me worshipped her so intensely there's still a part of me that might be disappointed were she to turn out to be just a regular human being.

First a THANK YOU!!! to xclairedelune for the beautiful photo album I got in the mail today. The pictures are so gorgeous, thank you so very much for sending them to me... Wow. Thank you.

and there's also a Quote of the Day:

"And if nudity offends you, I'd advice you to go somewhere else. I mean, we don't have any actual nudity here, but I just don't appreciate that uptight attitude."
~Vance DeGeneres

And I cut my hair the other day, which kinda makes me look a little like the Vagina Wig's girlfriend. Which would have been amusing if I cared at all about the story line. More Helena, please. And more Bette/Jodi (tho there's plenty to make me happy even as it is...).

And a teeny bit of snark while I'm at it; yeah, Ellen, that's fair, asking the straight actor if he had any trepidation about playing a gay character. What's he gonna say to you? 'Yeah, I mean, I was really worried there for a bit, what if gay dudes started hittin' on me, thinking I was that way, you know. Finally I decided I had to do it, 'cause I needed the money.'

Last week was crazy. Just wanna mention that.

So lacking any kind of energy to make a real post (that'll have to wait for the weekend) I'll just spam you with my latest YouTube find in the 'disturbing and hilarious' category of Ellen clips.

( 'lick him, like a lollipop should be licked' featuring actual men )

And there are new adorable pictures of Ellen and Portia at the Grammy's last night. I incorporated the cutest one into my new awesome wallpaper, constructed of the lovely scans from the current issue of The Advocate. Has Ellen ever looked hotter? *points to icon*

( wallpaper here!! )

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable. Which you should keep in mind further down. Not in a bad way, necessarily. But usually when making a post like this I would grow it in my head for three days, begin writing it, then leave it over night before posting, and change everything around a bit in the morning to make it coherent and have some semblance of a point or at least a direction (don't look at me like that). And with everything going on at the moment, and I'd like to point out, again, that this busy I haven't been since about a year and a half before getting this LJ. So now I just feel stuff, write it down occasionally, and move on, no time to process. Which is good and bad but mostly weird because I'm not like that. People with real jobs are more than welcome to mock me, btw. Just don't say anything bad about Ellen, or I might cry, which would be so much worse than if I punched you, I promise.

Which brings me to the otherwise completely unrelated (if familiar - to anyone who's ever talked to me in the last, oh, four months, or so)topic of today's rant: I really *really* need to not read any forum that has 'ellen' as a main or supporting topic, allows comments, and is based in a general, or just non-ellen-fansite, place frequented by lesbians, because they do nothing but make me really really sad. He who throweth the first stone, or whatever it says. My god, all the stone throwing that happens in those places. And I'm certain Ellen has thrown a few in her days (even if I can't think of an instance at the moment), but some of these people sure are throwing more. The one sane comment in the latest place I sadly happened to visit was brilliant and, I'm paraphrasing, 'If all you people started doing the work you're blaming Ellen for not doing for you, we might actually make a difference.' and she was met with 'I donate money to the HRC so shut up, you don't know my life, bitch.' Kinda. I mean, not even Mary Cheney or the ex-gay movement inspire the kinds of hurtful comments that Ellen for some reason seem to bring out? Why? What on earth has she ever done to hurt those people so profoundly?

And I'll finish this semi-rant (it's rather unfinished, I know, I'm too tired to have rational opinions, that's all emotion up there, see the first paragraph) by bringing you three quotes, that may or may not at all have anything to do with anything, but I like them.

"I'm not ashamed. [...] It's just too precious, Lee, to allow stranger to poke their fingers into it. Yes, I'd love to go to your club with you, go to the coffee-houses, kiss you in public, but I just can't risk it. You tell me that my refusal to breathe the fresh air is stifling us both, but I know, as sure as I'm sitting here, that coming out would be the end of it. I'm not strong enough, Lee. I'm just not strong enough."
~A Grave Talent by Laurie R. King

fame
is a two edged sword
cupcakes and bullets
euphoria and humiliation
victorious
and
naked

public verbal abuse
~by Tammy Lynn Etheridge(/Michaels? She did change it, didn't she?)

when you look at an object
through a glass of water
depending on the angle of your view
the object can look broken in half
when it is not at all
and
fame is like that water
it gives the illusion
of the object on the other side
being something different than what it is....
[...]
fame
can hide the entire truth
it can break the person in half
for real or not
[...]
but i'm still here
perched from my nest way back,
taking notes, trying to learn
to jiggle the dance of the glitter
without breaking in half.
~Tammy Lynn Etheridge again (and I took parts out of this last one to avoid bringing up any other subjects that might be sensitive, not that people on here yell much, but one issue is enough for my fragile LJ at the moment...)