what may or may not be hard reality

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable. Which you should keep in mind further down. Not in a bad way, necessarily. But usually when making a post like this I would grow it in my head for three days, begin writing it, then leave it over night before posting, and change everything around a bit in the morning to make it coherent and have some semblance of a point or at least a direction (don't look at me like that). And with everything going on at the moment, and I'd like to point out, again, that this busy I haven't been since about a year and a half before getting this LJ. So now I just feel stuff, write it down occasionally, and move on, no time to process. Which is good and bad but mostly weird because I'm not like that. People with real jobs are more than welcome to mock me, btw. Just don't say anything bad about Ellen, or I might cry, which would be so much worse than if I punched you, I promise.

Which brings me to the otherwise completely unrelated (if familiar - to anyone who's ever talked to me in the last, oh, four months, or so)topic of today's rant: I really *really* need to not read any forum that has 'ellen' as a main or supporting topic, allows comments, and is based in a general, or just non-ellen-fansite, place frequented by lesbians, because they do nothing but make me really really sad. He who throweth the first stone, or whatever it says. My god, all the stone throwing that happens in those places. And I'm certain Ellen has thrown a few in her days (even if I can't think of an instance at the moment), but some of these people sure are throwing more. The one sane comment in the latest place I sadly happened to visit was brilliant and, I'm paraphrasing, 'If all you people started doing the work you're blaming Ellen for not doing for you, we might actually make a difference.' and she was met with 'I donate money to the HRC so shut up, you don't know my life, bitch.' Kinda. I mean, not even Mary Cheney or the ex-gay movement inspire the kinds of hurtful comments that Ellen for some reason seem to bring out? Why? What on earth has she ever done to hurt those people so profoundly?

And I'll finish this semi-rant (it's rather unfinished, I know, I'm too tired to have rational opinions, that's all emotion up there, see the first paragraph) by bringing you three quotes, that may or may not at all have anything to do with anything, but I like them.

"I'm not ashamed. [...] It's just too precious, Lee, to allow stranger to poke their fingers into it. Yes, I'd love to go to your club with you, go to the coffee-houses, kiss you in public, but I just can't risk it. You tell me that my refusal to breathe the fresh air is stifling us both, but I know, as sure as I'm sitting here, that coming out would be the end of it. I'm not strong enough, Lee. I'm just not strong enough."
~A Grave Talent by Laurie R. King

fame
is a two edged sword
cupcakes and bullets
euphoria and humiliation
victorious
and
naked

public verbal abuse
~by Tammy Lynn Etheridge(/Michaels? She did change it, didn't she?)

when you look at an object
through a glass of water
depending on the angle of your view
the object can look broken in half
when it is not at all
and
fame is like that water
it gives the illusion
of the object on the other side
being something different than what it is....
[...]
fame
can hide the entire truth
it can break the person in half
for real or not
[...]
but i'm still here
perched from my nest way back,
taking notes, trying to learn
to jiggle the dance of the glitter
without breaking in half.
~Tammy Lynn Etheridge again (and I took parts out of this last one to avoid bringing up any other subjects that might be sensitive, not that people on here yell much, but one issue is enough for my fragile LJ at the moment...)