what may or may not be hard reality

So it's November again, National Novel-Writing Month... but I don't write novels. However, for the somethingth time in a row, I'm trying to at least write a drabble each day (which lasted for all of one day, but I'm back on track again on day 3 now).

My sister asked me a little while ago how much of what I write in my writing/fanfic journal that I post. I said not much, and explained how a lot of the stuff is never finished, and a lot of the stuff kinda sucks, and a lot of the stuff is just silly and only written down because it amuses me and isn't actually credible scenes that are true to the characters. So she asked me why I bothered writing it down if I already know I'll never post it, if I already have the story in my head. Which is a valid question, actually, I used to wonder about that too. What is it that makes me sit down and put pen to paper and write out a scene that I know I'll never post?

And I explained how partly it's because it doesn't feel real until it's actually written out, but more importantly things happen sometimes when I put pen to paper. How regardless of how much I plan in my head beforehand, other things happen when I write it out. My sister's a dancer, so I likened it to her working on a choreography, and having to listen to the music and actually move through the steps in order to be inspired. Even if she has an idea of how she wants the final performance to look this can still change when she's out there moving through it. And it's the same with writing. When I write I'll have either a clear starting point in mind, or a specific moment of the direction, sometimes just a line of dialogue or a description, but not until I put pen to paper does the plot (if you can call it that when it's less than 500 words) unfold itself.

Often, there's failure. My starting point collapses in on itself and nothing happens. Or everything evolves into complete out-of-character ridiculousness that's fun for me to write, but still pointless. However, ever so rarely, something incredible happens. I start out in one place and it just happens, and the story evolves and takes on color and significance and the characters do things I didn't know they were capable of (not to be confused with profound or important). That happened to me today. It was very very cool. Of course, now I'm stuck with a completely confusing piece where the character starts out believing one thing and turning out being a completely different kind of person. We'll see if I can untangle it and make something post-worthy out of it. Either way, I'm very excited about it!