fallon_ash: (sam stargate sun)
posted by [personal profile] fallon_ash at 10:23pm on 31/01/2011 under ,
Just a catch-up post. I wrote three pieces (that I can find) for the [livejournal.com profile] sg1_five_things comm last year, and I'm posting them here because I like having all my fic in one place. (I kinda feel like I wrote more of them, but I can't remember... I probably started a bunch of others, but never got to 5.)

Rating: G to PG-15
Characters/Pairings: Various

Five times SG-1/other SGC members saved the Universe and did not realize it (link)
They bring home a mechanical treasure-box from P4X-612. Sam spends 3 days with it in her lab before Hammond decides to ship it off to Area 51 because he needs SG-1 back in the field. By then she has come to the disappointing conclusion that the device is most likely broken anyway or its power source depleted (not that she has found a power source – perhaps it’s just a decorative item, like those decorative books that don’t open). She doesn’t know that it wasn’t broken until she turned that third lever on the left side. Turning it clock-wise would have activated a neural scrambling frequency effectively driving anything with a brain mad by over-stimulating the release of neural transmitters. The prototype had worked on everyone within a radius of 2 light years. The enhanced model was never tested, but the silicone-based life-form who created it did implement a self-destruct: turn the lever counter-clock-wise and the frequency emitter is irrevocably wiped clean of its programming and quietly short-circuited the power source.

Sgt. Walter Harriman gets a stern talking to for being in the bathroom when the unscheduled offworld activation occurs. But since the night shifts are are usually single-person unless the threat level is heightened there’s an understanding that the technicians have to go to the bathroom occasionally. He only makes it back to open the radio comms to hear the last of what is clearly a Mayday message although in a language neither Daniel nor Teal’c have ever heard before, until the wormhole disengages 14.2 seconds after it opened. Whoever it was never dials back, and the night watch makes a habit of grabbing a guard from the hallway to watch the gate when they have to take breaks (which works out great for Private Martins who hopes to move up the ranks and eventually become a gate technician). The Olyrans really were in trouble that night, though. Minutes later their entire race was wiped out by the R’chad – the only race that had the ability to resist the Olyrans’ brainwashing technology. The R’chad then peacefully went back to farming their land.

Jack didn’t mean to step on that bug on P3X-228. He really didn’t. (But damn, that noise it was making was ANNOYING.)

Among the ruins on the moon circling P37-909 Daniel translates the writing on a tomb to mean “Cultural Treasures of Monumental Value. Whoever Breeches this Sacred Place Shall Suffer... yadda yadda threats and curses and death. Jack, I want to spend a few days here to...”
“Negative. Hammond is under a lot of pressure from the Pentagon. There were new talks of cutting funding just last week. Technology and weapons are prioritized until the Goa’uld threat is under control.”
“But, Jack...”
“No. You can put it in your Dream Vacations folder. Let’s go.”
Daniel is upset for a while, but when 3 months later the moon is destroyed by one of Apophis’s stray naquadah explosives everyone is too busy to think much of it. It’s not until years later that Daniel learns that in that particular dialect “Cultural Treasures” translates to “Big Honkin’ Space Guns”. Daniel’s upset is renewed for several days, but there’s no way he could have know that Apophis would have gotten into the tomb first, but was distracted by SG-1’s next mission, an attack on one of his strongholds.

In the smuggler capital of Ta’ara, well-known hang-out of any pursuers of questionable and illegal activities Vala picks the pocket of a man in extravagant robes. She comes away with a handful of what passes for cash in this corner of the universe, but is disappointed at the lack of actual valuables. The shiny trinket with the fake red jewel seems otherwise useless so after admiring its shininess she gives it to an urchin with big eyes and torn clothes who loves the way it catches the sun but loses it in the river a few days later. The man in the robes was being groomed by his master to take over what would under his rule have become the most powerful crime empire to fill the void left by the Goau’ld. Instead he was demoted back back to henchman for failing to deliver a long lost family heirloom with powers of destruction that could only be activated by blood relatives.

Five things Sam created using the Asgard computer in "Unending" and never told anyone about/was sworn to secrecy about (link)
Well, Sam isn't exactly the one sworn to secrecy. Instead she extracts a solemn promise from Vala that she will only ever do this if they never mention it again. Never ever would she admit to having used the Asgard's amazing system to create a bright pink translucent vibrator that fluoresces in time with the vibrations.

Cameron asks her for porn magazines after a 3-week long frustrated silence where he wouldn't speak to her, look at her, and kept running in the halls and destroying furniture. He's exhausted every fantasy he has, he's going crazy, and maybe the Asgard would know something he doesn't. Sam scratches her head trying to figure out how to explain porn to the computer, having given up on decorum as time passed, and Vala started displaying her collection of shiny vibrators on a shelf above her bed. In the end she doesn't actually get a magazine but two tiny robot-dolls that appear to be performing a complicated Asgard Guide to Human Mating. Cam snorts with laughter, the first time she's heard him laugh in months, but grabs them and disappears before Sam has time to try again.

Once, when Sam is frustrated and sad and feeling a bit childish and petulant she creates a chair out of blue jell-O. She sits in it and stews for a while, scooping up parts of the arm-rest with a spoon. It doesn't taste quite right, and after a while, when she starts thinking about what she's doing, she acknowledges that she might just possibly be going crazy. Five minutes after that she remembers that the door isn't locked, and just because no-one has come to see her for days probably means someone will walk in just this very minute. In seconds she has de-materialized it, and when Vala walks in a while later she looks suspiciously at the blue stain on Sam's pants, but doesn't comment. Sam should feel grateful, but instead she's just sad that the ship seems to have tempered even Vala's bright, curious spirit.

For a long time, the only things Teal'c seems to ask for are candles of various scents, encouraging her to try new commands and accepting the results whatever they are. So when he asks for men's lace underwear she can't say that she's not surprised. He looks mildly chagrined, and explains that cotton just doesn't breathe the way lace does when you're sparring. There's a store in Colorado Springs where he usually gets them, but O'Neill had told him early on never to share that fact, ever. She knows Teal'c well enough to recognize immense relief on his face when she promises she won't tell anyone.

Sam tries, at Cam's determined insistence, for a long time to write a program that makes Cam's mother's apple pie, but it never comes out right. Vala finally sneaks into Sam's quarters late at night and tells her she'll bake it, as long as Cam never finds out it came from her, because it would hurt him too much to find out his mother gave her precious recipe to Vala but not her only son. It gives Sam a headache for a few days, trying to come up with a reason for why the computer can only make the pie once a week, but when she gives him the first piece, his eyes roll back in his head in bliss, and he happily settles for anything as long as it means there will eventually be more.

*I know I hi-jacked the idea that Vala would have the recipe but not Cam from someone else, but I can't remember where! If anyone knows, let me know, and I'll credit.

Five people at the SGC who can get Daniel tongue-tied or red-faced (link)
Vala. Unfortunately. He prefers to think of her innuendos as being too annoying to really affect him, but he can't stop his visually inclined mind from painting whatever pictures she describes. And she knows it, too.

Janet. No-one has ever been able to scold like Janet, cut off any arguments before they've even been voiced. He never told her her, but he always had a lot of sympathy for Cassie's boyfriends.

Sam. Sam treats him like a favourite brother. And she is like a sister to him. A really gorgeous sister who thinks nothing of changing clothes in shared tents off-world, or casually pulling off her t-shirt when discovering an oil stain that has gone through her coveralls. He tries very hard not to stare at her breasts, but it's difficult. And disturbing.

The Security Guard on Level 14. Daniel walked in on him and Sgt Martinez in a supply closet once, and now Jamie blushes every time Daniel sees him, and Daniel can't help but blush back. (Sgt Martinez just stares him down with a slightly proud lift to his head, which has a much more neutral effect on Daniel.)

Teal'c. Teal'c is either much more naïve, or much more devious than anyone could ever guess, and Daniel is quite certain it's the latter. Teal'c also spends way too much time online, on what must be a single-minded quest to find strange and disturbing Earth habits and then ask Daniel about them with a completely straight face.
shrink me:: 'sleepy' sleepy


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