fallon_ash: (olivia)
Title: the windmills of your mind – 9 drabbles
Author: fallon ash
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Main character: Olivia Benson
Pairings: Olivia/Alex, Olivia/Casey, Olivia/Elliot, Olivia/Kurt Moss
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2143
Disclaimer: Dick Wolf etc. Not mine.
Challenge: Put your music-player on random, and write drabbles for the first 10 songs you hear. You may only use the time while the song is playing to write.
Summary: 9 unrelated but Olivia-related drabbles. Mostly canon-ish, some more AU than others, and a lot of emo.
Author's note: I totally cheated, though. I didn't write fast enough, so I went back afterwards to finish them, and then poked and prodded a little as well. #7 was disowned and didn't get to play. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] sakuracorr for beta!!



#1 The Miracle - Queen

Olivia looks at the little girl in front of her, clutching a small teddy bear in one hand and a crayon in the other, focusing intently on the paper in front of her. The girl's father is on her way, but for now the girl is content.

She hasn't been molested, she hasn't watched someone die, but she just spent 7 hours inside a dark supply closet at a department store, while police and store security widened the search perimeter and sent pictures to airports and train stations, and the girl's frantic father tried to understand why he had dropped his child's hand for a moment to dig for his wallet in a pocket of his jacket.

"Here." The girl pushes a drawing across the low table, and Olivia looks at what is a pretty credible rendition of herself in a doorway full of yellow light.

#2 Bigtime – Linda Eder

Olivia looks around the smoky room as she strikes her finishing pose, holds it for a moment, then twirls her feather boa across her shoulder, and saunters off the stage.


The blonde woman in the suit and high hat takes a puff on her cigar, rubs the tip of a gloved finger against the side of the table. "You've... got potential. Why don't you come back when you've gotten some more experience."

Olivia licks her lips, advances on the table. She hikes a hip on the corner, makes sure the slit in her skirt rides up just so. "Aww," she pouts. "I've got plenty of experience." She puts her best drawl into her voice. "Isn't there anything I can do to make you change your mind?"

The other woman makes a point out of running her eyes up Olivia's leg, lingering on her well-displayed cleavage, before meeting her eyes. "Be here 3 hours before opening tomorrow, and we can... talk... about you doing a set tomorrow night."

#3 Smoke Dreams – k.d. lang

Elliot looks over at his partner, but there's nothing there. He tries to lift his head up from his desk, but he fails at that as well. He finally cracks an eye open. It stings and he closes it again, waits a few seconds before trying again.

The second time he gets it open it works better, but the other one feels swollen and doesn't follow suit. His vision is blurry, but he can tell that he's not at his desk at all, he's in the crib. Olivia is talking in a low voice to someone somewhere to his left, out of his field of vision. Her voice is low and intimate, and he can't make out the words. A female voice responds, and as he tips his head slightly to the side, he can see a blonde head and a briefcase on the floor. Alex...

No wait, Alex is in witness protection.

He closes his eye for a while, opens it again. It's Casey. Of course.

As his vision clears he can see Olivia behind her, on her back with her arm around Casey, who is curled up against Olivia's side. It... doesn't make sense.

His head is pounding, and he feels so tired. He closes his eye again, for a moment, and when he tries to open it, it is so heavy. Through his lashes he sees Casey lift herself up on an elbow and kiss Olivia, but he can't seem to...

The next time he wakes up Olivia is alone, sound asleep on the next cot.

#4 Philosophy of loss – Indigo Girls

Olivia stares out the window, through the rivulets of rainwater onto the wet street below. She's been alone her whole life. After all, that's what she told Elliot earlier. She cringes to think about it now, but it had felt so good to talk to him. He doesn't pity her, she knows that, but she can't quite shake the feeling, still, that she has let herself be weak by complaining. She has been alone her whole life; she should be used to it by now. She saves people, she helps victims, that should be enough for her. She hasn't ended up like all the perps that pass through her life. She hasn't ended up like the victims. The fact that she doesn't have a family, doesn't have a house, or even a pet, it shouldn't bother her. She has her job, which is more than she ever expected, really.

#5 Carolina in my mind – Melanie Safka

Olivia stares out the window as the train passes through the dark landscape. It's terribly inefficient, taking the train to D.C. to appear in court, but she's not fond of planes. She likes feeling the journey, seeing where she's going.

She was 14 years old the first time she was outside New York. Her mother took them on the occasional outing when she was a child, but they never went far. The city was their home, and they stayed there. But when she was 14 she won  State, and the East Coast Finals were held in Raleigh. A young teacher took her down over the weekend for the competition (Serena had been busy, of course, and Olivia had resigned herself to missing it when Ms. Gordon had offered). Of course she had realized that fields and pastures were a fairly common occurrence in the US, she'd seen them in pictures, after all, but she still remembers the feeling of staring out the window, mile after mile after mile of rolling hills, and there was open sky everywhere she looked, and she hadn't quite been able to believe it. She remembered feeling truly free for the first time in her life, the rhythmic sound of the train leaving the city (and her mother) behind.

Of course, on the way home she couldn't wait for the moment when she'd stepped off the train and would hear the city around her again. She belongs to the city, and the city belongs to her, and she has never desired to be anywhere else. But when life closes in on her, she can still remember that feeling, she can take a deep breath, feel the city alive around her, and almost hear the sound of a train taking her away from it all.

#6 Occasionally – Melissa Etheridge

Alex watches Olivia surreptitiously across the street. Olivia is walking next to an older man that she vaguely recognizes. He works for one of the magazines. She doesn't know his name. As she watches they stop at the curb. The man hails a cab, but before he gets in, he leans over to kiss Olivia, and she smiles at him. Her smile isn't wide, but it's intimate, and Alex takes a step back. People suddenly move in front of her instead of behind her. She has thought about calling Olivia for a while now. She decides not to.

#7 Run baby run – Sheryl Crow

#8 Windmills of your mind - instrumental

Casey rolls the stem of her wine glass back and forth between her thumb and forefinger and looks across the table at Olivia. A jazz orchestra is playing in the background, and she can sense how uncomfortable this setting should make Olivia. But it doesn't seem to be making her uncomfortable tonight. There's something on her mind. Maybe the case. Maybe something else entirely. She never knows what's going on with Olivia.

She empties her glass as the band switches to something more familiar, and a few more couples move to the dance floor. Casey weighs the possibility of someone seeing them against the fact that they're doing nothing wrong and holds out her hand to Olivia. "Come on. Dance with me."

Olivia looks surprised, but Casey doesn't back down. Olivia shrugs, finishes her drink, and takes Casey's hand – Casey knows that Olivia knows that the potential repercussions will be worse for Casey's career than her own, so if Casey is willing to be seen, it's her call. They move to the dance floor, and Casey wraps her arms around Olivia's neck while Olivia carefully holds her around the waist. They lean into each other, and she leads Olivia through the music. She doesn't know if Olivia likes to dance, but she's good enough at it. Olivia's body is warm and solid in her arms;  Olivia's mind seems to be somewhere else.

Later on they will probably go back to Casey's place because it's closer tonight. Olivia will be warm and considerate in bed, look Casey in the eye and say her name at just the right moments. Casey will hold her while she sleeps. Tomorrow morning Casey will drink coffee while Olivia eats toast and drinks orange juice that Casey would never touch but keeps in her kitchen nonetheless. Olivia has several changes of clothes in Casey's closet, and she'll leave twenty minutes after Casey, locking the door behind her with the nondescript key on her chain.

They've been doing this for almost a year now, and Casey still has no idea what Olivia is thinking about most of the time. She wonders if Elliot knows. Sometimes she wonders if she should end it. If Olivia would care. But then she kicks herself, because she does know that Olivia cares, probably even loves her. Casey could love Olivia, she just wishes Olivia cared enough about herself to let her.

#9 Love Affair – k.d. lang

Elliot stares out at the rain. He wonders every once in a while where Olivia is. Not every day, but most days these days she's in his thoughts in one way or another. He doesn't know where she is, she hasn't contacted him since she left.

She'd come to his house late one night, her voice full of urgency, and pushed him inside quickly. She'd known Kathy was gone with the kids for the weekend. Pulled the blinds before he could switch on the lights. She hadn't said much, just that he would see something in the paper tomorrow that was gonna upset him very much, and that it wouldn't be true, but he couldn't tell anyone. Then she'd pushed him down and kissed him, and because it's Olivia, and because she's never asked him for anything personal, ever, he didn't say no.

She left before first light, and Cragen called right after, sounding more subdued than he'd ever heard him, and then Kathy came home with tears in her eyes and a newspaper in her hand, and everything was a circus for weeks after that.

He thinks he'll go up to the cemetery tomorrow. Buy the red roses that let Kathy feel open-minded now that she doesn't have to worry about Elliot and Olivia alone together. Put the red roses on a stone bearing the name of a woman who isn't really dead. Wonder what he will do if she ever comes back.

# 10 Can you see me now – tatu

Olivia steps out the courthouse. The sky is clearing, but the steps are still wet. A man in a dark suit dodges around her, and she walks down slowly, veering to avoid a cluster of more suits emerging from beneath their umbrellas. The street is full of people, and she takes a right, heading back towards the precinct.

On her hip her cell phone is quiet, for now, on her other the familiar weight of her gun. Shield in her pocket, hands relaxed at her sides. She weaves in and out of the throngs, easily and instinctively avoiding collision. If the phone rings, she'll get a cab, but for now she's walking.

The sun comes out as she crosses 4th Street, and three blocks later there's mist rising from the pavement. Some streets are more crowded than others, but it doesn't slow her down. People lean away and let her pass, not noticing her, but accepting her presence, as faceless to her as she is to them.


shrink me:: 'awake' awake


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